Marriage and Being Realistic About Monogamy or a Lack Thereof

Marriage and monogamy was covered in a recent profile of Dan Savage in the New York Times Magazine and also on the Colbert Report. I know it's easy to conflate the two concepts because like most people, I've been taught to equate the two; however, they are really two separate issues.

Let's start with marriage. I can think of these common reasons a couple would get married: 1) a bundle of legal rights and responsibilities and 2) an expression of love and commitment. First, marriage is a legal contract that includes among many other things: inheritance rights, making health care decisions, responsibility for debts, and tax benefits. Second, marriage is also a public expression of commitment to each other and a community. Notice, these reasons are the exact same reasons why a same-sex couple would want to get married.

For same-sex couples, however, people have created the concept of a "civil union" to refer to the bundle of legal rights. Many people say they support "civil unions" but not same-sex marriage. Why? If they are truly equal, then why not call them both simply "marriage"? The only logical reason I can think of is prejudice. It keeps lesbians and gays as second class citizens. Therefore, if you support equality for all, you should support same-sex marriage.

Getting back to the topic of monogamy again. When I used the word commitment earlier, many people would assume a monogamous commitment. I believe Dan's position is that this assumption of monogamy should be examined more realistically. Whether you're married or not, you can be either in a monogamous relationship or not, and this can change with time. After all, there are many examples in the news lately showing that humans aren't that good at monogamy, especially after several years, let alone a lifetime. If we are able to accept reality and be open and honest in our relationships, then perhaps there would be less suffering caused by unrealistic expectations and less pain inflicted on families that are forced to break up as a result.

Backups

More and more of my life is kept digitally on computers: photos, notes -- all sorts of data. I try to keep much of the data in the cloud so I can access it from multiple locations but that still leaves residual data that needs backing up. After losing a phone, having a few laptops die on me, and surviving a fire, I've been diligent in keeping backups. A friend mentioned that they were having problems making backups with their Mac and thought I would write this post. As a reference, Apple has some documentation on backups. Time Machine is an easy to use backup and restore tool but it only runs on Mac OS X. (In the past, I've used rsync running in cygwin on Windows XP with a desktop running Ubuntu though it's significantly more difficult to use.)

My main computer is a MacBook Pro and I use Time Machine with an external USB disk drive. I use an externally connected USB drive instead. I recently got a 1TB drive for about $100 and have been using that after reformatting it with Disk Utility. Costco or other local stores sell the same kind of drives. I also have an older, smaller drive for an offsite backup that I keep in my work office. Whenever I change backup disks, I select the new disk in Time Machine Preferences.

For my iPhone, I keep my info in "the cloud" using google apps like: gmail for contacts and notes and google calendar. This allows me to make a change on my phone or any other computer and automatically see the change from other locations. Unfortunately, it's not totally straight forward to set up, though it's easily googled. The data that's left such as photos that haven't been uploaded to my flickr account, I sync regularly to my laptop at least once a week.

The ideal backup solution would be a fast and multiple site solution. You want multiple site, in case there is a fire for example. Computer backups are often large and thus a large bandwidth (quantity per unit time) helps make them fast. In particular, the initial backup may be large and will require a significant time to complete. Incremental backups after the initial one will be smaller because only differences will be saved. Hardwired connections like a USB drive are fastest, then Time Capsule which is over a local WiFi network, then the slowest would be over your home Internet connection. The basic tradeoff is that fast means an attached disk while a convenient solution to an offsite location is the slowest. I've heard of people using a convenient offsite solution such as Carbonite or other similar products. However, I haven't tried it since it costs money and I would suspect backing up my initial multi-GBs of data would take too long over my Internet connection.

New Tax Rules for Same-Sex Couples

If you're a same-sex married couple or in a RDP (Registered Domestic Partnership) in a community property state such as California, the IRS has instituted new tax rules in 2010. It's a positive change from an equality standpoint but it does mean extra work when filing. After finishing, I wanted to share what we did. First, I'm not an accountant nor a lawyer, just a marriage equality proponent with a desire to help others navigate complex rules. For brevity, I will use spouse below to mean spouse or RDP.

I used TurboTax Premier to create a joint California state return and two federal returns. First start with the state return by importing the data from your previous year's return if you have one. Next, we want to get to the "Were You Married?" screen to select same-sex marriage or RDP. Unfortunately, this screen is somewhat hidden, but can be accessed via the "Personal Info->You & Your Family" tab and selecting the first "Edit/Start" button and then "Continue" on the following screen. Continue by creating a mock federal "married filing jointly" return, enter data for both spouses, and then complete the state tax return.

At this point, we are ready to work on the two federal returns using the completed state return as a base. Copy the data from the state return into a community property allocation worksheet. I extended one I found at class5tax.com. For the next part, there are instructions on the Intuit website. Use "Save As" to create a new return file for each spouse which is based on the state return. For each spouse, start with the "Personal Info" tab and change the filing status to "Single". Enter the adjustment amounts for wages and taxes withheld using the TurboTax instructions mentioned before. This should cause the wage adjustment to be correctly entered on 1040 line 21.

The next steps are not part of the published instructions but are based on other information I compiled. Enter the adjustments for the other parts of the return. Go to the "Forms" view and look for items such as 1099-DIVs and W-2s that are a result of the other spouse which need to be deleted. You probably need to switch back to "EasyStep" mode to delete the data. At this point, the return will only contain data for one spouse. Switch back to "Forms" view and enter the other adjustments on the appropriate forms. For example, for Schedule D, enter the short-term capital gains adjustment in Part I on a new row. Enter the long-term capital gains on a new row in Part II. Note, the negative of the adjustment value will need to be used for Spouse 2. If there isn't an extra row to enter the adjustment on, add the adjustment to the original value outside the program, then enter it into the appropriate spot on the form. In TurboTax, there is an Edit->Override menu item that allows you to change values on forms.

The California state return can be filed electronically. However, the federal returns must as of 2011-04-18 be filed by mail since TurboTax does not yet support e-filing. Each spouse's federal return should include a copy of the community property worksheet. At the top of form 1040, I added "Prepared under CCA 201021050".

One more thing I did not mention yet is separate property. I have taxable assets that are mixed in with community property and so I needed to estimate the portion which is separate property. I rebalance my portfolio each year after filing taxes in April and so I projected an estimated value of my taxable assets minus stock at the beginning of my RDP into the present. I divided this projected value by the current value of the same kind of assets. That gives a rough percentage of current separate to community assets which I used to multiply any income generated from those assets on the property allocation worksheet. To make the projection, I used the S&P 500 total return figure for the last 10 years which is around 3%. Since I have been an RDP for about 11 years, the value is (1.03)^11 - 1.

I also needed to report capital gains from stock sales. In my case, this portion of income was from the sale of my ESPP shares which can be identified as separate or community property by the purchase date of each lot.

The reason for calculating the separate property is because, unlike a heterosexual couple, the federal government does not recognize same-sex married couples so any transfer of assets would be subject to gift tax. A lawyer friend has since told me that the rule is really only enforced for super wealthy people who try to evade paying inheritance taxes. So it may be easier just to treat everything as community property like most heterosexual couples do.

Links to useful resources:

• Lambda Legal Fact Sheet
• Class 5 Tax
• Intuit has some instructions for TurboTax
• Tax seminar slides by Karen Stogdill, EA and Deb Kinney, Esq
• Tax seminar slides by Rich Waterman, CPA
• Interesting story on taxes and same-sex families on NPR

For sale: 2003 Accord EX-L 2Dr manual, great condition

For sale best offer: 2003 Accord EX-L (Leather) 2Dr manual transmission, in great condition, new brakes, great gas mileage, low miles. For details see this album. I plan to post an ad on craigslist. We just got a new plugin hybrid Chevy Volt.

Podcast Recommendations

I spend a significant time in transit where I like listening to podcasts. There are a couple that I've found recently, that I really enjoy. One is Rationally Speaking which is about science and philosophy. Another is NPR Planet Money which has good coverage on economics.

Happy Thanksgiving and Free Domain Mapping on Blogger

I'm taking the week off during Thanksgiving. It will give me a chance to do some things I have been meaning to do. For one, I wanted to look into moving my blog to Wordpress. However, since it would cost me more to map my domain name, I've decided to stay with Blogger for now. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Great Interview on Self-deception

I heard a particularly good interview with Carol Tavris on the new podcast For Good Reason with DJ Grothe. She talks about how cognitive biases and self-deception affect our lives. I bought her book Mistakes Were Made (but not by me) after hearing a previous interview but haven't gotten a chance to read it yet. Incidentally, DJ Grothe who I think is an excellent radio host who used to host Point of Inquiry now hosts For Good Reason since becoming president of JREF.

Daniel Dennett and Memes

Thought provoking talk by Daniel Dennett on evolution and memes:

Dan Savage on Redefining Marriage

Dan Savage gives some great arguments for same-sex marriage equality.

Notable Interview on Secular Ethics with Peter Singer

I recently heard an excellent interview with Peter Singer on the Point of Inquiry podcast. He expresses some thought provoking ideas on ethics. Being moral is consistent with being an atheist. I like his rational approach to making moral decisions. You can read more about the contents of the interview and listen to it by going to the interview page.